It’s normal to bicker and argue with our partners. However, if things have reached a boiling point and it seems as though the most mundane comment can turn into a heated argument it may be time to do a temperature check on your communication. Here are some things to consider if your communication is at a fever pitch.
First check in with yourself
Have you gone through a major life change, recent loss, or is there just too much on your plate? Sometimes we need to slow down and evaluate ourselves on an individual level to see how that might be affecting our relationships. Not to mention, having too much stress can definitely have an impact on our quality of sleep which can really throw our mood out of whack. How do you check in with yourself? If you haven’t had a chance to do it in the past it might be a good time to start. Here are some questions to get you started. How is my physical health? Is it the relationship or am I using the relationship as an emotional punching bag for other stressors? Have I done anything lately for myself?
Checking in with your physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing can give some new insight into what issues are coming up for you and why that is creating challenges in the relationship. First and foremost, we are individuals that live our lives separately from our relationship and it’s necessary to be aware of how that can impact our partner.
Next, let’s consider where you’re at in your relationship milestones
How long have you and your partner been together? Have you gone through any recent changes or losses together as a couple? Have you been able to make room for quality time? Relationships weather storms small and big. It’s important to make time for positive connection such as date nights, intimate talks, or new adventures. Positive connections are the roots that ground our relationship. Giving the relationship some TLC can help those roots to flourish.
If you and your partner are not sure where to start, there is hope!
We recommend speaking to a professional. Going to couple’s counseling can be a scary thought for some people. “Have I failed?” “How is a stranger going to help us?” “I should know how to talk to my partner!” It’s normal to have these thoughts. However, couple’s counseling can provide the space and time needed for you and your partner to work through any stressors, resentments, or changes that may be impacting your communication. The therapist is able to offer an unbiased perspective as well as tools and strategies that can help improve communication.
If you’d like to learn more about tools and strategies to communicate better with your partner contact Vista Hill SmartCare to get connected with a Behavioral Health Consultant. If you are located in the Campo, Alpine, Ramona, Julian or Pauma Valley communities you can reach our team at (760) 788-9725.
April San Roman, LMFT